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It is a mistake to tell the child: "if they hit you, hit". Lately we have much more visibility about the cases of bullying that are happening. We can see every day more parents whose children come complaining that their classmates make fun of them, do not let them play, take things away or make a void at school. They are situations that occur between children and that in general are unavoidable, so it is important to teach children to face and solve them.
When this happens, the first impulse of adults is to protect their children. The problem is that the first thing they can do is propose to the children resources such as: "if he pushes you, push him too", or "if he hits you, give it back to him." Although these types of resources are given with the best of intentions, they do not help to resolve the conflict, quite the contrary. It is a mistake to teach the child to defend himself by hitting.
It is understandable that when faced with situations in which the child is being bullied, many parents come to the solution of encouraging the child to defend themselves by hitting. What is not logical is to think that by acting like this, something will be solved. Adults have to be aware that violence generates violence and transmit it to children. Acting in this way can be very destructive to the child who is being bullied because ...
- The bully does not usually act alone for what could be fatal to the child who is bullied take on a whole group.
- Parents encourage their children to defend themselves with violence when they must understand that children who are bullied tend to have a profile characterized by shyness, low self-esteem, anger, sadness and shame, which makes them unable to hit the stalker. It is only possible to put the child back in the situation of harassment since he will be unable to defend himself.
- In addition, it may happen that by "taking revenge at his hand" punish the harassed and not the harasser.
It is true that the problem is that there are protocols for action against harassment but many times they do not work properly. When this happens, the victim is left unprotected and in the face of this helplessness, adults feel the urge to teach their children to defend themselves with "the same coin."
Parents must be aware that this is not the solution and what you really have to do is protect the child who is bullied by teaching him to defend himself in an assertive way.
- Give the right tools so that you can defend yourself without exposing yourself to danger and give advice in which they learn to respect and be respected.
- Teach them to assert themselves and stand up using communication and dialogue. For example, that they know how to say: NO when you don't like something.
- That the child knows how to react to a situation of this type, first seeking help from an adult to see if he needs it or can solve it himself.
- Listen to the children when they tell about something happening to them at school and ask them how they solved it.
- Promote the self-esteem of the children. That they are sure of themselves so that they can learn to ignore hurtful comments, be compassionate and understand why other children make them, but that does not mean they should allow or condone their abuse.
- Help them to identify your emotions and feelings when you are exposed to a situation of harassment. It is important that you know how to express and manage them.
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